Peace & Hope

It remains hard to fully come to grips with this disease that is forever life-changing for my family.  We are holding up as best as we can, taking it one day at a time.

The past week has been rough.  After that first major hurdle was cleared (surgery), we rejoiced and recovered for a good couple weeks.  Now, the reality of the next hurdle, which is long-term, is sinking in.  That would be the treatment of the lung nodules.

But there is hope.  We are hearing the word "curable" as a possibility for the first time.  Judging from the conversations with two oncologists, the chances of a cure are probably no better than a coin flip, but we will beat any odds.  We have to focus on the goal and commit to keeping the body and mind healthy on the journey.

Now, we seek peace.  That's easier said than done of course, especially when the question "why?" is always on the mind.  This is a question I wake up to, ponder throughout the day, try to fall asleep to at night.  Why?  Was it my sin that caused this affliction?  Is God punishing me and using this as a way to finally get my attention?  The answer is NO!  Our God is a loving and compassionate God. I'm glad this was reconfirmed to me yesterday.  I knew yesterday was a good day for Christian to return to church with me.  I knew God would have a message for us.  The topic for the day, "What did I do to deserve this?"

The pastor pointed out that God wants our attention not to be punitive, but restorative.  Sure, God may have allowed this affliction, but he didn't cause it. 

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.  What then shall we say in response to this?  If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8:28-31


Next steps

We met with the sarcoma oncologist on Friday, and have some decisions to make regarding treatment of Christian's lungs.  Christian meets the criteria for a trial for a new drug that would be used in conjunction with the current first-line chemotherapy drug.  Apparently all the sarcoma specialists agree this drug is the next best thing, so we hope that Christian is part of the randomly selected 50% administered the drug.  That's the way these trials work.  If not, there are lots of other chemo drugs (like I said before, we have a lot of cards in our deck to play).  And, it's likely this new drug will be on the market in a few years after approved by the FDA.

The first course of action is to fight the microscopic disease with treatment.  The size of that period I just typed, well that represents 1 million cancer cells!  Treatment should reduce the size of the nodules or kill off the cancer cells, though nodules may still remain.   This leads to the second course of action, which is removing the residual masses surgically.  This could require several surgeries over an undefined period of time.  Successful removal of those nodules is the path required to a cure.

We are very pleased with the sarcoma oncologist we've been seeing, but still may get a second opinion.  That's one decision at hand; the other is whether to be part of the trial and when to begin treatments. 


Luke's prayer

My prayer

I pray that Christian can be at peace with the future and the decision he makes in terms of doctors and treatment.  I pray that his body responds positively to the treatments with as little side effects as possible, and that these treatments are effective in killing the cancer cells.  I pray for a miracle in that the elimination of the main tumor would results in what doctors call "spontaneous regression."  In other words, getting rid of the source would take care of what's spread to the lungs.


God, restore our souls.  Give us hope and healing for the days ahead.  Grant us peace beyond all understanding of your good, pleasing and perfect will in our lives.


"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore unto me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me."  Psalm 51:10-12