A roller coaster kind of week...

It has been a roller coaster kind of week, and I've neglected doing a very good job of keeping everybody updated. So allow me to share with you some of the ups and downs.

I took the kids to Brown County at the beginning of Fall break and had a lovely time. But when we briefly visited the park lodge, I came to the realization that my family desperately needed a little getaway. Miraculously, a room opened up during what is the busiest time of year, and a week later we enjoyed the two most gorgeous days together as a family! It was truly a blessing!

But the week didn't start that way. Sure, we had our reservation, but the real question was...would Christian be up for the trip? Would he experience severe back pain on the drive? Would his breathing be restricted and scare the kids? Would he have a coughing fit and get any sleep? Then, the day before the trip, Christian decided to have a procedure to drain fluid from his lungs and would likely miss the trip. So it was just me and the kids until 5 PM, when we see Christian roll up to the hotel courtesy of Bob and Nancy! For whatever reason, the procedure was not necessary at this time. Then Christian proceeds to tell me he had very little pain medication that day. He made it through the night with no coughing fits and we enjoyed a much-needed getaway! Many of you were praying about this trip and God's hand was definitely at work! Every time I woke up that night, I just praised God that this was happening.

You see, the situation was far different a few nights before. Christian was in terrible pain and having several coughing fits that night resulting in his breathing feeling very restricted. He was scared. I was scared. For the past several months, I had gotten used to a coughing fit every now and then and his moaning several times during the night because of back pain. In fact, many nights I have to sleep elsewhere. But this night was different and the reality of the situation and the uncertainty of the future got really real.

I was indeed a hot mess off and on for a few nights. I struggle with the balance of continuing to pray boldly for healing but also being at peace with the future.

It's hard because just when I think Christian is turning a corner, he will be in pain the next day more than usual, or will run a random fever. Everything is just so unpredictable.

But I am glad that God is a constant in my life. Without my faith, I would be visiting many dark alleys every night.

I'm glad that I can share my vulnerabilities with close friends. I'm thankful I can reach out with ease knowing they are here for me.

Christian has been on what they call a "chemo holiday" for several weeks now. The idea is to clear all the toxins from his body before he moves onto the next thing. There is a next thing, another chemo drug very similar to the one he was on last but with fewer side effects. This will be chemo drug #8. He actually just started it today.

Then there are all the holistic and nonconventional approaches we are still looking into. But it is very difficult when you are a "by the book" kind of person like myself and there is no instruction manual to follow when exploring these ideas. We have had a few appointments and will continue to explore these avenues. I think I am a little more convicted about some of these approaches than Christian. I guess it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

I am thankful that Christian qualified for oxygen as needed. It took me over a month to get this for him! He has been trying it out for the past several days. While it has been helpful, he is getting very little sleep. And, today he is getting fluid drained from his lungs, when just one week ago this was not necessary.

Please pray that this procedure helps clear his airways and helps him be more comfortable and sleep peacefully.


Keri & family